


Money Isn't Everything/I Like His Hat

by Kennaye



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3477509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kennaye/pseuds/Kennaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper asks Wendy for advice on attracting Pacifica Northwest / Pacifica asks the girls(Mabel, Grenda, and Candy) for advice and luring in Dipper</p>
            </blockquote>





	Money Isn't Everything/I Like His Hat

Dipper closed the door behind him as he entered Wendy's house. As he walked through the living room and into her room, he briefly wondered why the whole house always smelled like maple syrup. That would be a mystery for another day, he guessed. For today, he had another mystery to tackle; women. Thankfully, he had the perfect person to help him solve it.

"Sup dude?" Wendy greeted him as he walked in her room, closing the door and going over to the bed to sit down. Wendy's room was the only room in the house that didn't smell of syrup, it reeked of cheap body spray mixed with weed. Her eye's were a mix of red and white, almost pink all around. Dipper smiled and rolled his eyes at it.

"Hey Wendy, thanks for having me over." Dipper said as she just gave a chill smile his way. "I needed to ask you about some stuff after the thing that happened at Northwest Manor...."

"Oh yeah." Wendy tugged open a bag of Lay's chips and didn't look directly at Dipper while she talked. "Mabel told me a lot about that. You got wood or something on the dancefloor and everyone screamed right? That happens. Oh man, this one time at freshman homecoming everyone saw Thompson's half-chode and it was hys-"

"No! It wasn't like that, Wendy." Dipper cleared his throat as she munched lazily on chips. "A ghost turned most of the guests, including me, to wood. We all almost died."

"That isn't as funny." Wendy pouted but got serious. "But that's real messed up man, glad to see you're okay."

"Thanks." Dipper smiled, then got back on the subject. "But yeah, anyway, about those questions."

"I don't know much about ghosts man, but I'll try and help if I can." Wendy peered in the bag and shook it. Holding it upside down, she let the remaining crumbs fall in her hand and slurped them up.

"Actually, most of my questions are about...Pacifica." Dipper trailed off as Wendy suddenly got more attentive.

"Isn't that the rich fake blonde girl you hate or something?" Wendy moved herself up, propping herself against her headboard. Dipper looked away from her and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. His face felt hot, so he knew he was blushing.

"W-well...yeah...kind of. I did hate her - I mean she was the worst. But after this latest mystery I saw she wasn't that bad...in fact she's pretty good." Dipper laughed nervously. "Most of her bad qualities are just enforced from her parents...and she really wants to change." Dipper turned back to see Wendy a few inches from his face. "GRAUGH!" he jerked backwards and fell off the bed.

"Dipper." Wendy emphasized his name, "Dude. Do you have like, a crush or something?" Dipper sat up and rubbed his aching butt. 

"...yeah." Wendy laughed a little and patted Dipper on the head.

"Alright man, I'll help 'ya out." She cleared her throat and looked at him. "So what's your question?"

"Well...like...how do you...know a girl is into you?" Dipper asked. "I can never really, like, tell? I guess. It's really hard. I'm horrible at flirting."

"Hmmmm...." Wendy thought on it. "Well did she suck your dick?"

"What?! No!" Dipper shouted. Wendy nodded thoughtfully.

"Did she offer to suck your dick?"

"She did not offer to suck anything!" Wendy shook her head as Dipper's face became redder than an apple's skin.

"Did she like, grind on you?" 

"No...well...I mean we were close a lot because of the ghost, and we did dance and stuff...but not like really grinding." Wendy squinted her eyes and nodded once more.

"I don't know man. I'm a teenager, maybe we flirt differently or something." Wendy relaxed herself more. "Guys are supposed to put forth more effort anyway."

"Well then, what do I, like, do?" Dipper buried his face in Wendy's blankets out of frustration. Wendy whistled as she thought, then stopped abruptly.

"I know what you can do!" Wendy said excitedly. "Get in my truck, we're going to Kmart!"

* * *

"Thanks for letting us come to your house for a sleepover!" Mabel thanked Pacifica as her, Grenda, and Candy all sat on Pacifica's bed. They were all in their pajamas, and we sitting cross-legged and were getting ready to starts playing truth or dare.

"It's no problem...." Pacifica lied as she said this. Her parents didn't really like that she was friends with "commoners", saying she should instead interact with the local aristocracy and higher society. However, she really hated the stuck-up rich kids in the greater area. Lord Irrumator of Shady Oak Heights was a narcissist, and was more interested in his hair than Pacifica's life. High-society dating was the worst.

"What is this?" Grenda said(shouted?), punching one of Pacifica's pillows. "It's so dainty and soft, not for pillow fighting at all!"

"They're...uh...imported from France. They're made with the tears of the lower middle class and peacock feathers." Pacifica coughed the awkwardness away. "They're meant to be really soft.

Grenda clocked Candy in the face with a pillow. Candy's muffled voice creeped out from around the pillow; "My face feels better now then before I was hit with it!"

"Girls! Girls! Girls!" Mabel calmed the two rowdy preteens. "We have more important matters to discuss!" Everyone turned their eyes on Mabel, as she brought out her iPhone. Unlocking it, she flashed the girls an app. It read; "Sexy truth or dare"

"Sexy truth or dare?" Pacifica read it aloud questioningly. "Is that even fun with no boys?"

"Well obviously we won't do the dares on each other." Mabel flipped her hand down and laughed heartily. "We'll just...do them to our crushes."

"Crushes?" Pacifica's face turned red. She didn't really feel comfortable admitting her crush to the girls - because it was Mabel's brother. She looked away and bit her lip, maybe she could get out of this. "Maybe we shouldn't...."

"What's the matter, Pacifica?" Grenda's voice suddenly got really quiet, and whispery; "Ya' scared of admitting your deepest darkest secrets?"

"Nobody is exempt from the truth bed." Candy said solemnly. These girls were creeping Pacifica out.

"Don't worry Pacifica, we won't tell anyone!" Mabel chipped in, and he relaxed upbeat tone was quiet refreshing.

"How about we admit our crushes, so she knows this is a safe environment?" Candy's idea made Grenda and Mabel nod in agreement. Pacifica shrugged her shoulders - she guessed that was fair. Maybe one of their's was way more embarrassing.

"My current beefcake is Marius!" Grenda yelled, punching the bed in excitement. Very physical girl, Grenda. Pacifica made a note about burning her bed and getting a new one, Grenda was a projectile spitter too.

"Even though I'm hesitant to admit it...I'm still kind of in love with Mermando...." Mabel laughed nervously. "Maybe one day he will leave his ugly wife and sweep me back off my feet."

Candy leaned over to Pacifica. "She's crazy man. Crazy." They both giggled. "My crush is Shibata Katsuie." Both Grenda and Mabel groaned.

"Candy, he's been dead for centuries! You can't have a crush on an ancient Japanese military commander." Mabel sighed. Candy started pouting and wrapped herself in a ball. Just because Mabel smooched Mermen didn't mean Candy couldn't dream either.

"SoooOOOOooOOOooo," Grenda did the weird unnerving eyebrow thing Pacifica hated and looked at her, "...who are you crushing on?"

"Hahaha, well funny story. Really is, see recently, I - I being myself in right mind and body, realized that my family was psycho. And I didn't reach this conclusion myself but with the help of a boy, who had a pretty cool hat...and I think I like him...." The girls all gave her a confused look, not getting her stammering nonsense. Pacifica sighed. "It's Dipper."

All the girls squealed, save Pacifica who looked haggered. After they all settled down(Mabel passing out from lack of Oxygen and waking back up), they all immediately got down to business - truth or dare being long forgotten.

"Does he like you back?" Mabel asked. Out of everyone in the room, Mabel would probably know. Pacifica didn't know - she was hoping Mabel could give her some answers.

"I don't know! It's a recent thing...." Pacifica blushed. "There were a few moments when I felt a connection with him - where I thought we felt the same thing towards each other. I don't know...."

"Ladies." Grenda stood up, causing the bed to shudder slightly. "We have to help Pacifica get her man. It's our sisterly duty. Mabel, call Dipper!"

"On it!" Mabel yelled. Pacifica shook her head.

"No-" But it was too late, the girls too determined to care what Pacifica really wanted. Pacifica laid back, feeling her eye visibly twitch. Damn.

* * *

 

"Alright Dipper, watch Felix and strum along." Wendy instructed. Dipper held in his hands a ukulele, and Felix had an electric guitar.  "It's basically the same principle, probably. You play ukulele, Felix?"

"I barely play guitar." Felix replied, strumming a few notes. "I work and have other stuff. I know the basics but it doesn't help that this guitar is shitty." He strummed a few more. Dipper was impressed, but he was sure that it wasn't even close to the same thing. What did he know? Not guitars. Didn't know that.

"Just give me a few lines." Wendy said. Felix started playing as she tapped her foot. Humming along, she closed her eyes and looked really 'in-the-zone'. Dipper twanged some lines on his ukulele. What the hell was he doing?

"Writing songs is hard, dude." Wendy remarked. Felix only nodded in agreement. "I need a cig."

"You're luck that the fast food place I work doesn't care. I left work 20 minutes early for this." Felix coughed as he packed a hitter. "Just saying, let's get this done."

"Wendy...maybe this wasn't a good idea...." Dipper was shushed by her as she rubbed her forehead.

"Nah, nah this is good." Wendy said bobbing her head. Dipper's phone went off in his pocket as Wendy started talking in a low volume.

"Mabel's calling me?" Dipper wondered why she was calling him so late - wasn't she at Pacifica's right now?

"Answer it and say we'll be over." Wendy said. "It's go time."

* * *

Pacifica and the girls were sitting around idly when the music started. It was low at first, and it didn't really register with any of the sleepover attendants. However, the girls soon found themselves hearing the music, and eventually were intrigued by it enough to investigate. What they found was odd.

First was Wendy, holding up a sign that said "That good D(ipper)!" on poster board. She seemed really into what was happening - a fierce look of determination on her face. Second was Felix, holding up an old boom-box playing some short musical track. Finally there was Dipper, strumming a ukulele and nervously starting to sing as he saw Pacifica enter the window.

" _I don't know if it's just me,"_ Dipper sang, voice cracking and forehead sweating, " _but I think you want this good D_ "

" _The D stands for Dipper, which is me,"_ he continued. Pacifica squinted down, a mixture of emotions washing over her. " _I hoped to serenade you with this melody."_

Felix hit another button on the boom-box, causing the sound to abruptly change. Dipper strummed furiously.

" _I know this seems kind of weird, looking out your window and too peered...."_ ("Wendy what the hell is that even a word?")

_"Upon a dude with a ukulele, but hey, hey!"_

_"Maybe let's go on a date or something? I got the smarts you got the bling." ("_ Not that money matters or anything! I didn't write this!")

 _"We're most likely to end up canon, don't be a bitch about it just give me a chance."   (_ "That last part didn't even rhyme!")

Felix went to change the musical track once again, but accidentally fumbled and dropped the boom-box. Dipper stopped playing and looked over, and even Wendy seemed out of it with the sudden change of events. The girls, however, were swooning.

"How romantic!" Candy ate it up, loving every part of it.

"His melodies speak to my heart and soul!" Grenda cheered, tears running down his face. "And my vagina!"

"Encore! Encore!" Mabel cheered her 'bro-bro' on.

"Uhhhh, thanks!" Pacifica shouted down to him, awkwardly shuffling his feet. "I mean, do you wanna go on date or something?"

"Yes!" Dipper shouted. Wendy fist pumped in excitement and Felix smiled, nodding.

"Pacifica!" her parents shouted as the ran around the corner. "What is going on?!"

"Uhhhhhh...." Pacifica didn't have an answer, her father didn't wait for one.

"It doesn't matter. Reginald!" Pacifica's father shouted.

 _"Mmmmmm yes sir?"_ He mused.

"Get these commoners off my property at once! Use the commoner stick!"

"Right away, sir." Taking a stick out of his coat pocket, he quickly moved towards the teens and Dipper, running them off the property. But even if he could run them off the property, he couldn't run them out of our hearts.

He could beat them out with the commoner stick though.

 


End file.
